Well how did this happen? I was planning, and planning, (oh and did I mention planning) and then I realized that I leave town in exactly 58 days. Can I share with you that this is both exciting and terrifying in the same breath? I have so much to do at work before I leave; plans for my interim ED team, contact list, annual gala, board meeting, beginning of the Spring semester/quarter, concerts... aaargh! These things never seem too much usually, but with a deadline like LEAVING FOR FOUR MONTHS, it all feels quite overwhelming.

But I'm checking boxes, and getting shit done.

I met with the Fieldstone coach last week and he was impressed at how much our little team has accomplished toward this transition. He asked me to put together a list of what I do but don't think about. Um, if I don't think about it, how can I make a list? I get what he means, though. So I started adding a bunch of items to the Monday.com list I have been making, but added nuance. It's interesting. I've been doing this job for 18 years, so a lot of it is very me-centric. The "tasks" I do are easy to note, but the personal check-ins with staff whom I know need support, or the personal touch given to certain donors/board members/parents etc. wasn't something I anticipated having to convey to my team. It's definitely a part of my job, but difficult to put into words/actions/lists.

I've spent the past 10 years "becoming the ED the board would have hired if I were not the Founder". Well that was my personal goal. And as I endeavor to separate myself from this role so that someone else can do it, I am pleasantly surprised at my successful attainment of this "lofty" goal. As a founder, it is tricky to separate yourself from the organization you have literally birthed. Don't get me wrong, it's not like there aren't other Community Music Centers in San Diego, the US, the world... there are many. But Villa Musica is kind of special because its founder driven. I say that because there is someone leading it who created it. And for better or worse, that person cares more than anyone else whether it succeeds - more than anyone else has or will. I really don't mean that in an ego-centric way (although it sure sounds like it), what I mean is that no leader of this org will ever have as much at stake as its founder. That said, "abandoning" my baby is traumatic for us both. Oh God, that is SOOOO dramatic! But I'm hoping you get my drift. It's different for founders. We are the best thing that can happen to a non-profit, until we are the worst.

You can take some time now to google Founders Syndrome... believe me it's a thing. And something I have been ashamed of being (and working to avoid) since I learned of its existence. But to be honest, I don't think a founder can truly ever escape this pesky label. In order to be a founder one needs certain characteristics to be a starter; vision, idealism, tenacity, grit, self-sacrifice, confidence, ego, resilience. And apparently in order to avoid the "Founder Syndrome" label one needs to be able to tone down all of those bossy, bitchy, feisty, annoying traits and step aside to elegantly allow "other people" to step in to run the place. WTF!

Other people? You mean those people who go home at 6pm to spend time with their families/dogs/children? People who have work/life boundaries? People who don't eat/drink/sleep/shit the vision?

It won't work! It can't happen! It isn't possible!

And yet as I prepare to tuck myself into bed tonight to awaken to "57 more sleeps", I realize that it WILL happen. And maybe things won't happen as this founder anticipated, it will be OK. The Villa Musica baby is in good hands. I'm ready (and so are they... those people)!!!